The fatalities have been three thousand, two
hundred and ninety-one, to date, with more reported in every cable
from San Coloquin, but it is not yet decided whether the ultimate
blame is due to the conductor of Car 22, to Mrs. Simmy Dolson's
bland selfishness, or to the fact that Willis Stodeport patted a
sarsaparilla-colored kitten with milky eyes.
It was a hypocritical patting. Willis had been playing
pumpum-pullaway all afternoon, hence was hungry, and desirous of
winning favor with his mother by his nice attitude toward our dumb
friends. Willis didn't actually care for being nice to the dumb
friend. What he wanted was cookies. So slight was his esteem for
the kitten - whose name was Adolphus Josephus Mudface - that
afterward he took it out to the kitchen and tried to see if it
would drown under the tap of the sink.
Yet such is the strange and delicate balance of nature,
with the lightest tremor in the dream of a terrestrial baby
affecting the course of suns ten million light-years away, that the
patting of Adolphus Josephus Mudface has started a vicious series
of events that will be felt forever in star beyond mounting star.
The death of exiled Napoleon made a few old men stop to scratch
their heads and dream. The fall of Carthage gave cheap bricks to
builders of dumpy huts. But the false deed of Willis Stodeport has
changed history.
Mrs. Simmy Dolson was making an afternoon call upon the
mother of this portentous but tow-headed Willis, who resides upon
Scrimmins Street, in the Middle-Western city of Vernon. The two
matrons had discussed the price of butter, the iniquities of the
fluffy-headed new teacher in Public School 17, and the idiocy of
these new theories about bringing up young ones. Mrs. Dolson was
keeping an ear on the car line, for the Oakdale cars run only once
in eighteen minutes, and if she missed the next one she would be
too late to prepare supper. Just as she heard it coming, and seized
her hat, she saw young Willis edge into the room and stoop to pat
the somnolent Adolphus Josephus Mudface.
With a hatpin half inserted Mrs. Dolson crooned, "My, what
a dear boy! Now isn't that sweet!"
Willis's mother forgot that she had intended to have words
with her offspring in the matter of the missing knob of the flour
bin. She beamed, and to Willis she gurgled, "Do you like the
kittie, dearie?"
"Yes, I love our kittie; can I have a cookie?" young
Machiavelli hastened to get in; and Aldebaran, the crimson star,
throbbed with premonition.
"Now isn't that sweet!" Mrs. Dolson repeated - then
remembered her car and galloped away.
She had been so delayed by the admiration of daily deeds of
kindness that when she reached the corner the Oakdale car was just
passing. It was crowded with tired business men in a fret to get
home to the outskirts of Vernon, but Mrs. Simmy Dolson was one of
those plump, amiably selfish souls who would keep a whole city
waiting while she bought canary seed. She waved at the car and made
deceptive motions of frantic running.
The conductor of the car, which was Number 22, was a
kind-hearted family man, and he rang for a stop halfway down the
block. Despite the growling of the seventy passengers he held the
car till Mrs. Dolson had wheezed aboard, which made them two
minutes late. That was just enough to cause them to miss the switch
at Seven Corners; and they had to wait while three other cars took
the switch before them.
By that time Car 22 was three and three-quarters minutes
late.
Mr. Andrew Discopolos, the popular proprietor of the Dandy
Barber Shop, was the next step in the tragedy. Mr. Discopolos was
waiting for this same Oakdale car. He had promised his wife to go
home to supper, but in his bacchanalian soul he desired to sneak
down to Barney's for an evening of poker. He waited one minute, and
was tremendously moral and determined to eschew gambling. He waited
for two minutes, and began to see what a martyr he was. There would
never be another Oakdale car. He would have to walk home. His wife
expected too darn much of him, anyway! He waited for three minutes,
and in rose tints and soft gold he remembered the joys of playing
poker at Barney's.
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