Polish men
Regardless of Western culture influence, there is still a division into male and female role in the society in Poland. I find it quite convenient. At least you know what to expect and what is expected from you.
A woman should have kids, raise them and take proper care of the household. The man is responsible for bringing money home and defending his family. Most Polish men take the role of breadwinner and defender very, very seriously. Jobless adult man is a synonym of failure.
Obviously not everyone follows these traditional roles. Sometimes it is a matter of choice, sometimes not. There are many adults who lead a life of a single. Many of my friends have no family or their other half. They focus on their professional career making their parents suffer from insomnia.
Most of our men are macho, I think. Lumberjack style is in fashion in here since the migration of Slavs from Asia. Our men are tough. They fight if necessary. If not necessary, they fight as well.
You will not find a sensitive dandy here unless he is a fashion designer.
If you, being a woman, want to spend a romantic weekend in Paris - take your female friend with you because your man would consider this idea as ... stupid.
Do you dream of going on a date to an elegant restaurant? You may suggest it to your man but something will tell him that kebab at the railway station or beer in a pub will be much better and cheaper. And what is more, he will not have to put elegant clothes on. He does not want to feel as if he is still at work in his office. Besides, nothing makes a Polish guy more annoyed than paying a fortune and leaving a restaurant still hungry.
Nonetheless, from time to time, he will surprise you with a tasty supper made by himself. You may expect wine and candles on the table.
If you want him to join dance course with you, he will probably refuse. He hates salsa, he hates dancing. But in spite of this, the next day he will tell you that he will attend dance classes with you. Why? To prevent you from dancing with other men. It is a beautiful sign of love and care.
Polish guys call themselves names when they meet together, drink and have a good time. That is a typical scene when friends sit at the table playing cards or board games and call one another "gay" or "commie". It is not an insult. It is a sign of trust and friendship. It proves that they like one another. If you are a foreigner having a chat with your Polish buddies and you hear that you are a pervert or commie pig - that is a very good sign. It is a hidden message: "You are one of us."
Elderly people
In a Xenophobe's Guide to the Poles written by Ewa Lipniacka I read that Poland is the perfect country for cantankerous old people. Yes, indeed. It is because yelling and going to the church is the only entertainment they can afford. There are not ANY activities for senior citizens in the vast majority of towns and villages. In big cities they may find something for themselves but even there the choice is quite limited compared to other countries.
If they are living together with their children they have the opportunity to talk to someone or play with grandchildren. But if the rest of the family lives far away, grandmas and grandpas usually feel sad and lonely.
They wait for a visit or, the sign of our times, conversation through Skype. Not visiting and not keeping in touch with parents is widely perceived as bad behavior. We feel a strong obligation to care about our elders. If parents are not able to care about themselves any more, children are expected to help. This help means either employing a nurse or, more often, taking parents to their own house and assist in everyday activities. Sending parents to a nursing home is not really accepted. It is a cultural taboo I would say. Not many people do that, and if they do, they have to face strong criticism from relatives and from the society. It is perceived as being ungrateful and degenerate. One of our leading actors publicly admitted that he placed his mom into a home for elderly. You do not have to be a genius to guess what kind of comments he received on his social media accounts.
My acquaintances from Western or Northern Europe always surprise me when they claim that the last time they saw their parents or siblings was a couple of years ago.
I am going to continue my story about the elderly in Poland in the chapter Communism.
Polish women
My Romanian friend says that in her opinion Polish women are lovely but a bit malicious. We are said to have acrimonious, sarcastic sense of humor. We laugh at people behind their back, criticize. Generally we, women, tend to compete with one another. Who is more successful, who is cleverer, who looks better, cooks better, who is a better wife or mother. I really dislike it. I am trying to support other women. I could not stand the fact that someone may feel worse or less valuable because of me. God forbid! But still my Romanian friend says that I am a bit malicious. Oh, maybe sometimes. But only among people whom I know very well and I am sure they will not take it personally.
Here, in Poland, if you are overweight, red-haired, ugly or dishevelled, you will quickly become a subject of jokes at school. Many women have complexes because of it. They do not feel attractive even if they look absolutely stunning. Some of my friends are ashamed of going to a public swimming pool only because they have some extra kilos. It is not a joke, unfortunately. We feel some kind of pressure to look good, impeccable. On the other hand, even if you are a successful, perfect-looking woman, you still will not escape criticism. Our fitness celebrities have to face comments and insults about their alleged stupidity, laziness or lack of professionalism in social media. Poor women. I am so glad I am not famous...
Surely, there are things I like about Polish women. We are brave. We do not hesitate to pack our stuff and go to work to foreign country, even if we do not know the language that is spoken there. We are devoted to things we do. If we are mothers, we are mothers for 200%. We sacrifice our whole life to the kids. If we have no kids, we are devoted to our jobs. If deadlines are chasing us, we neither sleep nor eat. We work hard in order not to disappoint anyone. And we are extremely patient. We simply have to. We hear either criticism or advices we did not ask for from our husband, kids, boss, mom, grandma, aunties, mother-in-law, neighbors, teachers, clients, etc.
Once we have a family, we try to keep it together no matter what. Taking all European countries into consideration, we belong to these in which the divorce rate is the lowest one.
How is it to be a mother in Poland?
I found an interesting article entitled Mother Pole written by Małgorzata Sikorska inside a voluminous publication "Family and social change in socialist and post-socialist societies". Let me just summarize it briefly.
The term Mother Pole was used to describe an ideal mother; the one who sacrifices herself and cares properly about the children, the husband and the house. Being a mother was the most important role of a woman. Mother Pole had many (very often too many) duties so that she could never find the time for herself. Bringing up numerous kids very often without any help from the father's side - this is what we associate with Mother Pole. So, implicitly, a woman following that model was usually tired, frustrated and unattractive. Some moms nowadays call themselves Mother Pole but with a bit ironic tone. That was all what was expected from a mother in the past. According to Sikorska, recently Mother Pole has changed into Supermother, that means a woman who not only manages everything (the kids and the home) but also is able to find time for herself and is professionally successful. I agree with that. I have similar observations and experience. Previous generations had it more tough, I think. Most women could not fully enjoy motherhood because of overwhelming amount of duties and lack of all the amenities (ie. disposable diapers) we have today. Now motherhood is still a challenge but not to such an extent as it used to be. Starting from giving birth (painkillers) there are plenty of opportunities, babysitters, mum's clubs, children's playrooms, hotels for family+kids. Moms on maternity leave can educate themselves thanks to online courses or learn a foreign language using Skype. They can find any piece of advice they seek on blogs or forums dedicated to maternity. Also the attitude of the partner has changed. You can expect some help from him. The role of a man in the family has changed from breadwinner into breadwinner and father. Moms can really enjoy life, if they have enough money. They can travel with the baby, attend a gym where a qualified babysitter takes care of our offsprings or spend a weekend in wellness hotel intended for couples with kids where no one would look askance at you or your kids when they fight at a restaurant table.
There is a term instamatki (instamoms), used to describe women who post pictures with their baby, both smiling, nicely dressed and looking perfect. The aim of it is to share the message with the world - I am a mother, I am happy, beautiful, self-fulfilled and all of this effortlessly, of course.
So, generally nowadays being a mother in Poland is a joyful and exploratory experience, as long as you have a supportive partner by your side and enough money to cover your spendings. If not, it is a Way of the Cross.
The only things that I dislike about being a mother in Poland are these recurrent questions "When are you coming back to work?" both from family and friends. It does not matter if the baby is several weeks or months old. It is beyond my comprehension that there is some pointless pressure on a woman to be full-time employed and earn money while having a small baby. Communism (with its model of a mother working full-time) ended long time ago but it will take years (or centuries) until people change their mentality. I think that mother's role is not really recognized and respected. Quite often I read or hear that "someone is sitting at home doing nothing". It is not just narrow-mindedness but also an ultimate example of impoliteness esp. if you say it in a presence of a mother who does not employ either a babysitter or a cleaning lady to help her.
