RASKOLNIKOV was not used to crowds, and, as we said before,
he avoided society of every sort, more especially of late. But now
all at once he felt a desire to be with other people. Something new
seemed to be taking place within him, and with it he felt a sort of
thirst for company. He was so weary after a whole month of
concentrated wretchedness and gloomy excitement that he longed to
rest, if only for a moment, in some other world, whatever it might
be; and, in spite of the filthiness of the surroundings, he was
glad now to stay in the tavern.
The master of the establishment was in another room, but he
frequently came down some steps into the main room, his jaunty,
tarred boots with red turn-over tops coming into view each time
before the rest of his person. He wore a full coat and a horribly
greasy black satin waistcoat, with no cravat, and his whole face
seemed smeared with oil like an iron lock. At the counter stood a
boy of about fourteen, and there was another boy somewhat younger
who handed whatever was wanted. On the counter lay some sliced
cucumber, some pieces of dried black bread, and some fish, chopped
up small, all smelling very bad. It was insufferably close, and so
heavy with the fumes of spirits that five minutes in such an
atmosphere might well make a man drunk.
There are chance meetings with strangers that interest us
from the first moment, before a word is spoken. Such was the
impression made on Raskolnikov by the person sitting a little
distance from him, who looked like a retired clerk. The young man
often recalled this impression afterwards, and even ascribed it to
presentiment. He looked repeatedly at the clerk, partly no doubt
because the latter was staring persistently at him, obviously
anxious to enter into conversation. At the other persons in the
room, including the tavernkeeper, the clerk looked as though he
were used to their company, and weary of it, showing a shade of
condescending contempt for them as persons of station and culture
inferior to his own, with whom it would be useless for him to
converse. He was a man over fifty, bald and grizzled, of medium
height, and stoutly built. His face, bloated from continual
drinking, was of a yellow, even greenish, tinge, with swollen
eyelids out of which keen reddish eyes gleamed like little chinks.
But there was something very strange in him; there was a light in
his eyes as though of intense feeling-perhaps there were even
thought and intelligence, but at the same time there was a gleam of
something like madness. He was wearing an old and hopelessly ragged
black dress coat, with all its buttons missing except one, and that
one he had buttoned, evidently clinging to this last trace of
respectability. A crumpled shirt front, covered with spots and
stains, protruded from his canvas waistcoat. Like a clerk, he wore
no beard, nor moustache, but had been so long unshaven that his
chin looked like a stiff greyish brush. And there was something
respectable and like an official about his manner too. But he was
restless; he ruffled up his hair and from time to time let his head
drop into his hands dejectedly resting his ragged elbows on the
stained and sticky table. At last he looked straight at
Raskolnikov, and said loudly and resolutely:
"May I venture, honoured sir, to engage you in polite
conversation? Forasmuch as, though your exterior would not command
respect, my experience admonishes me that you are a man of
education and not accustomed to drinking. I have always respected
education when in conjunction with genuine sentiments, and I am
besides a titular counsellor in rank. Marmeladov-such is my name;
titular counsellor. I make bold to inquire-have you been in the
service?"
"No, I am studying," answered the young man, somewhat
surprised at the grandiloquent style of the speaker and also at
being so directly addressed. In spite of the momentary desire he
had just been feeling for company of any sort, on being actually
spoken to he felt immediately his habitual irritable and uneasy
aversion for any stranger who approached or attempted to approach
him.
"A student then, or formerly a student," cried the clerk.
"Just what I thought! I'm a man of experience, immense experience,
sir," and he tapped his forehead with his fingers in self-approval.
"You've been a student or have attended some learned institution! .
. . But allow me-" He got up, staggered, took up his jug and glass,
and sat down beside the young man, facing him a little sideways. He
was drunk, but spoke fluently and boldly, only occasionally losing
the thread of his sentences and drawling his words. He pounced upon
Raskolnikov as greedily as though he too had not spoken to a soul
for a month.
"Honoured sir," he began almost with solemnity, "poverty is
not a vice, that's a true saying. Yet I know too that drunkenness
is not a virtue, and that that's even truer. But beggary, honoured
sir, beggary is a vice. In poverty you may still retain your innate
nobility of soul, but in beggary-never-no one. For beggary a man is
not chased out of human society with a stick, he is swept out with
a broom, so as to make it as humiliating as possible; and quite
right, too, forasmuch as in beggary I am ready to be the first to
humiliate myself. Hence the pot-house! Honoured sir, a month ago
Mr. Lebeziatnikov gave my wife a beating, and my wife is a very
different matter from me! Do you understand? Allow me to ask you
another question out of simple curiosity: have you ever spent a
night on a hay barge, on the Neva?"
"No, I have not happened to," answered Raskolnikov. "What
do you mean?"
"Well, I've just come from one and it's the fifth night
I've slept so. . . ." He filled his glass, emptied it and paused.
Bits of hay were in fact clinging to his clothes and sticking to
his hair. It seemed quite probable that he had not undressed or
washed for the last five days. His hands, particularly, were
filthy. They were fat and red, with black nails.
His conversation seemed to excite a general though languid
interest. The boys at the counter fell to sniggering. The innkeeper
came down from the upper room, apparently on purpose to listen to
the "funny fellow" and sat down at a little distance, yawning
lazily, but with dignity. Evidently Marmeladov was a familiar
figure here, and he had most likely acquired his weakness for
high-flown speeches from the habit of frequently entering into
conversation with strangers of all sorts in the tavern. This habit
develops into a necessity in some drunkards, and especially in
those who are looked after sharply and kept in order at home. Hence
in the company of other drinkers they try to justify themselves and
even if possible obtain consideration.
"Funny fellow!" pronounced the innkeeper. "And why don't
you work, why aren't you at your duty, if you are in the service?"
"Why am I not at my duty, honoured sir," Marmeladov went
on, addressing himself exclusively to Raskolnikov, as though it had
been he who put that question to him. "Why am I not at my duty?
Does not my heart ache to think what a useless worm I am? A month
ago when Mr. Lebeziatnikov beat my wife with his own hands, and I
lay drunk, didn't I suffer? Excuse me, young man, has it ever
happened to you . . . hm . . . well, to petition hopelessly for a
loan?"
"Yes, it has. But what do you mean by hopelessly?"
"Hopelessly in the fullest sense, when you know beforehand
that you will get nothing by it. You know, for instance, beforehand
with positive certainty that this man, this most reputable and
exemplary citizen, will on no consideration give you money; and
indeed I ask you why should he? For he knows of course that I
shan't pay it back. From compassion? But Mr. Lebeziatnikov who
keeps up with modern ideas explained the other day that compassion
is forbidden nowadays by science itself, and that that's what is
done now in England, where there is political economy. Why, I ask
you, should he give it to me? And yet though I know beforehand that
he won't, I set off to him and-"
"Why do you go?" put in Raskolnikov.
"Well, when one has no one, nowhere else one can go! For
every man must have somewhere to go. Since there are times when one
absolutely must go somewhere! When my own daughter first went out
with a yellow ticket, then I had to go . . . (for my daughter has a
yellow passport)," he added in parenthesis, looking with a certain
uneasiness at the young man. "No matter, sir, no matter!" he went
on hurriedly and with apparent composure when both the boys at the
counter guffawed and even the innkeeper smiled-"No matter, I am not
confounded by the wagging of their heads; for everyone knows
everything about it already, and all that is secret is made open.
And I accept it all, not with contempt, but with humility. So be
it! So be it! 'Behold the man!' Excuse me, young man, can you. . .
. No, to put it more strongly and more distinctly; not
can you but
dare you, looking upon me, assert that I am not a pig?"
The young man did not answer a word.
"Well," the orator began again stolidly and with even
increased dignity, after waiting for the laughter in the room to
subside. "Well, so be it, I am a pig, but she is a lady! I have the
semblance of a beast, but Katerina Ivanovna, my spouse, is a person
of education and an officer's daughter. Granted, granted, I am a
scoundrel, but she is a woman of a noble heart, full of sentiments,
refined by education. And yet . . . oh, if only she felt for me!
Honoured sir, honoured sir, you know every man ought to have at
least one place where people feel for him! But Katerina Ivanovna,
though she is magnanimous, she is unjust. . . . And yet, although I
realise that when she pulls my hair she only does it out of
pity-for I repeat without being ashamed, she pulls my hair, young
man," he declared with redoubled dignity, hearing the sniggering
again-"but, my God, if she would but once. . . . But no, no! It's
all in vain and it's no use talking! No use talking! For more than
once, my wish did come true and more than once she has felt for me
but . . . such is my fate and I am a beast by nature!"
"Rather!" assented the innkeeper yawning. Marmeladov struck
his fist resolutely on the table.
"Such is my fate! Do you know, sir, do you know, I have
sold her very stockings for drink? Not her shoes-that would be more
or less in the order of things, but her stockings, her stockings I
have sold for drink! Her mohair shawl I sold for drink, a present
to her long ago, her own property, not mine; and we live in a cold
room and she caught cold this winter and has begun coughing and
spitting blood too. We have three little children and Katerina
Ivanovna is at work from morning till night; she is scrubbing and
cleaning and washing the children, for she's been used to
cleanliness from a child. But her chest is weak and she has a
tendency to consumption and I feel it! Do you suppose I don't feel
it? And the more I drink the more I feel it. That's why I drink
too. I try to find sympathy and feeling in drink. . . . I drink so
that I may suffer twice as much!" And as though in despair he laid
his head down on the table.
"Young man," he went on, raising his head again, "in your
face I seem to read some trouble of mind. When you came in I read
it, and that was why I addressed you at once. For in unfolding to
you the story of my life, I do not wish to make myself a
laughing-stock before these idle listeners, who indeed know all
about it already, but I am looking for a man of feeling and
education. Know then that my wife was educated in a high-class
school for the daughters of noblemen, and on leaving she danced the
shawl dance before the governor and other personages for which she
was presented with a gold medal and a certificate of merit. The
medal . . . well, the medal of course was sold-long ago, hm . . .
but the certificate of merit is in her trunk still and not long ago
she showed it to our landlady. And although she is most continually
on bad terms with the landlady, yet she wanted to tell someone or
other of her past honours and of the happy days that are gone. I
don't condemn her for it, I don't blame her, for the one thing left
her is recollection of the past, and all the rest is dust and
ashes. Yes, yes, she is a lady of spirit, proud and determined. She
scrubs the floors herself and has nothing but black bread to eat,
but won't allow herself to be treated with disrespect. That's why
she would not overlook Mr. Lebeziatnikov's rudeness to her, and so
when he gave her a beating for it, she took to her bed more from
the hurt to her feelings than from the blows. She was a widow when
I married her, with three children, one smaller than the other. She
married her first husband, an infantry officer, for love, and ran
away with him from her father's house. She was exceedingly fond of
her husband; but he gave way to cards, got into trouble and with
that he died. He used to beat her at the end: and although she paid
him back, of which I have authentic documentary evidence, to this
day she speaks of him with tears and she throws him up to me; and I
am glad, I am glad that, though only in imagination, she should
think of herself as having once been happy. . . . And she was left
at his death with three children in a wild and remote district
where I happened to be at the time; and she was left in such
hopeless poverty that, although I have seen many ups and downs of
all sort, I don't feel equal to describing it even. Her relations
had all thrown her off. And she was proud, too, excessively proud.
. . . And then, honoured sir, and then, I, being at the time a
widower, with a daughter of fourteen left me by my first wife,
offered her my hand, for I could not bear the sight of such
suffering. You can judge the extremity of her calamities, that she,
a woman of education and culture and distinguished family, should
have consented to be my wife. But she did! Weeping and sobbing and
wringing her hands, she married me! For she had nowhere to turn! Do
you understand, sir, do you understand what it means when you have
absolutely nowhere to turn? No, that you don't understand yet. . .
. And for a whole year, I performed my duties conscientiously and
faithfully, and did not touch this" (he tapped the jug with his
finger), "for I have feelings. But even so, I could not please her;
and then I lost my place too, and that through no fault of mine but
through changes in the office; and then I did touch it! . . . It
will be a year and a half ago soon since we found ourselves at last
after many wanderings and numerous calamities in this magnificent
capital, adorned with innumerable monuments. Here I obtained a
situation. . . . I obtained it and I lost it again. Do you
understand? This time it was through my own fault I lost it: for my
weakness had come out. . . . We have now part of a room at Amalia
Fyodorovna Lippevechsel's; and what we live upon and what we pay
our rent with, I could not say. There are a lot of people living
there besides ourselves. Dirt and disorder, a perfect Bedlam . . .
hm . . . yes . . . And meanwhile my daughter by my first wife has
grown up; and what my daughter has had to put up with from her
step-mother whilst she was growing up, I won't speak of. For,
though Katerina Ivanovna is full of generous feelings, she is a
spirited lady, irritable and short-tempered. . . . Yes. But it's no
use going over that! Sonia, as you may well fancy, has had no
education. I did make an effort four years ago to give her a course
of geography and universal history, but as I was not very well up
in those subjects myself and we had no suitable books, and what
books we had . . . hm, anyway we have not even those now, so all
our instruction came to an end. We stopped at Cyrus of Persia.
Since she has attained years of maturity, she has read other books
of romantic tendency and of late she had read with great interest a
book she got through Mr. Lebeziatnikov, Lewes' Physiology-do you
know it?-and even recounted extracts from it to us: and that's the
whole of her education. And now may I venture to address you,
honoured sir, on my own account with a private question. Do you
suppose that a respectable poor girl can earn much by honest work?
Not fifteen farthings a day can she earn, if she is respectable and
has no special talent and that without putting her work down for an
instant! And what's more, Ivan Ivanitch Klopstock the civil
counsellor-have you heard of him?-has not to this day paid her for
the half-dozen linen shirts she made him and drove her roughly
away, stamping and reviling her, on the pretext that the shirt
collars were not made like the pattern and were put in askew. And
there are the little ones hungry. . . . And Katerina Ivanovna
walking up and down and wringing her hands, her cheeks flushed red,
as they always are in that disease: 'Here you live with us,' says
she, 'you eat and drink and are kept warm and you do nothing to
help.' And much she gets to eat and drink when there is not a crust
for the little ones for three days! I was lying at the time . . .
well, what of it! I was lying drunk and I heard my Sonia speaking
(she is a gentle creature with a soft little voice . . . fair hair
and such a pale, thin little face). She said: 'Katerina Ivanovna,
am I really to do a thing like that?' And Darya Frantsovna, a woman
of evil character and very well known to the police, had two or
three times tried to get at her through the landlady. 'And why
not?' said Katerina Ivanovna with a jeer, 'you are something mighty
precious to be so careful of!' But don't blame her, don't blame
her, honoured sir, don't blame her! She was not herself when she
spoke, but driven to distraction by her illness and the crying of
the hungry children; and it was said more to wound her than
anything else. . . . For that's Katerina Ivanovna's character, and
when children cry, even from hunger, she falls to beating them at
once. At six o'clock I saw Sonia get up, put on her kerchief and
her cape, and go out of the room and about nine o'clock she came
back. She walked straight up to Katerina Ivanovna and she laid
thirty roubles on the table before her in silence. She did not
utter a word, she did not even look at her, she simply picked up
our big green
drap de dames shawl (we have a shawl, made of
drap de dames), put it over her head and face and lay down
on the bed with her face to the wall; only her little shoulders and
her body kept shuddering. . . . And I went on lying there, just as
before. . . . And then I saw, young man, I saw Katerina Ivanovna,
in the same silence go up to Sonia's little bed; she was on her
knees all the evening kissing Sonia's feet, and would not get up,
and then they both fell asleep in each other's arms . . . together,
together . . . yes . . . and I . . . lay drunk."
Marmeladov stopped short, as though his voice had failed
him. Then he hurriedly filled his glass, drank, and cleared his
throat.
"Since then, sir," he went on after a brief pause-"Since
then, owing to an unfortunate occurrence and through information
given by evil-intentioned persons-in all which Darya Frantsovna
took a leading part on the pretext that she had been treated with
want of respect-since then my daughter Sofya Semyonovna has been
forced to take a yellow ticket, and owing to that she is unable to
go on living with us. For our landlady, Amalia Fyodorovna would not
hear of it (though she had backed up Darya Frantsovna before) and
Mr. Lebeziatnikov too . . . hm. . . . All the trouble between him
and Katerina Ivanovna was on Sonia's account. At first he was for
making up to Sonia himself and then all of a sudden he stood on his
dignity: 'how,' said he, 'can a highly educated man like me live in
the same rooms with a girl like that?' And Katerina Ivanovna would
not let it pass, she stood up for her . . . and so that's how it
happened. And Sonia comes to us now, mostly after dark; she
comforts Katerina Ivanovna and gives her all she can. . . . She has
a room at the Kapernaumovs' the tailors, she lodges with them;
Kapernaumov is a lame man with a cleft palate and all of his
numerous family have cleft palates too. And his wife, too, has a
cleft palate. They all live in one room, but Sonia has her own,
partitioned off. . . . Hm . . . yes . . . very poor people and all
with cleft palates . . . yes. Then I got up in the morning, and put
on my rags, lifted up my hands to heaven and set off to his
excellency Ivan Afanasyvitch. His excellency Ivan Afanasyvitch, do
you know him? No? Well, then, it's a man of God you don't know. He
is wax . . . wax before the face of the Lord; even as wax melteth!
. . . His eyes were dim when he heard my story. 'Marmeladov, once
already you have deceived my expectations . . . I'll take you once
more on my own responsibility'-that's what he said, 'remember,' he
said, 'and now you can go.' I kissed the dust at his feet-in
thought only, for in reality he would not have allowed me to do it,
being a statesman and a man of modern political and enlightened
ideas. I returned home, and when I announced that I'd been taken
back into the service and should receive a salary, heavens, what a
to-do there was . . .!"
Marmeladov stopped again in violent excitement. At that
moment a whole party of revellers already drunk came in from the
street, and the sounds of a hired concertina and the cracked piping
voice of a child of seven singing "The Hamlet" were heard in the
entry. The room was filled with noise. The tavern-keeper and the
boys were busy with the new-comers. Marmeladov paying no attention
to the new arrivals continued his story. He appeared by now to be
extremely weak, but as he became more and more drunk, he became
more and more talkative. The recollection of his recent success in
getting the situation seemed to revive him, and was positively
reflected in a sort of radiance on his face. Raskolnikov listened
attentively.
"That was five weeks ago, sir. Yes. . . . As soon as
Katerina Ivanovna and Sonia heard of it, mercy on us, it was as
though I stepped into the kingdom of Heaven. It used to be: you can
lie like a beast, nothing but abuse. Now they were walking on
tiptoe, hushing the children. 'Semyon Zaharovitch is tired with his
work at the office, he is resting, shh!' They made me coffee before
I went to work and boiled cream for me! They began to get real
cream for me, do you hear that? And how they managed to get
together the money for a decent outfit-eleven roubles, fifty
copecks, I can't guess. Boots, cotton shirtfronts-most magnificent,
a uniform, they got up all in splendid style, for eleven roubles
and a half. The first morning I came back from the office I found
Katerina Ivanovna had cooked two courses for dinner-soup and salt
meat with horse radish-which we had never dreamed of till then. She
had not any dresses . . . none at all, but she got herself up as
though she were going on a visit; and not that she'd anything to do
it with, she smartened herself up with nothing at all, she'd done
her hair nicely, put on a clean collar of some sort, cuffs, and
there she was, quite a different person, she was younger and better
looking. Sonia, my little darling, had only helped with money 'for
the time,' she said, 'it won't do for me to come and see you too
often. After dark maybe when no one can see.' Do you hear, do you
hear? I lay down for a nap after dinner and what do you think:
though Katerina Ivanovna had quarrelled to the last degree with our
landlady Amalia Fyodorovna only a week before, she could not resist
then asking her in to coffee. For two hours they were sitting,
whispering together. 'Semyon Zaharovitch is in the service again,
now, and receiving a salary,' says she, 'and he went himself to his
excellency and his excellency himself came out to him, made all the
others wait and led Semyon Zaharovitch by the hand before everybody
into his study.' Do you hear, do you hear? 'To be sure,' says he,
'Semyon Zaharovitch, remembering your past services,' says he, 'and
in spite of your propensity to that foolish weakness, since you
promise now and since moreover we've got on badly without you,' (do
you hear, do you hear;) 'and so,' says he, 'I rely now on your word
as a gentleman.' And all that, let me tell you, she has simply made
up for herself, and not simply out of wantonness, for the sake of
bragging; no, she believes it all herself, she amuses herself with
her own fancies, upon my word she does! And I don't blame her for
it, no, I don't blame her! . . . Six days ago when I brought her my
first earnings in full-twenty-three roubles forty copecks
altogether-she called me her poppet: 'poppet,' said she, 'my little
poppet.' And when we were by ourselves, you understand? You would
not think me a beauty, you would not think much of me as a husband,
would you? . . . Well, she pinched my cheek, 'my little poppet,'
said she."
Marmeladov broke off, tried to smile, but suddenly his chin
began to twitch. He controlled himself however. The tavern, the
degraded appearance of the man, the five nights in the hay barge,
and the pot of spirits, and yet this poignant love for his wife and
children bewildered his listener. Raskolnikov listened intently but
with a sick sensation. He felt vexed that he had come here.
"Honoured sir, honoured sir," cried Marmeladov recovering
himself-"Oh, sir, perhaps all this seems a laughing matter to you,
as it does to others, and perhaps I am only worrying you with the
stupidity of all the trivial details of my home life, but it is not
a laughing matter to me. For I can feel it all. . . . And the whole
of that heavenly day of my life and the whole of that evening I
passed in fleeting dreams of how I would arrange it all, and how I
would dress all the children, and how I should give her rest, and
how I should rescue my own daughter from dishonour and restore her
to the bosom of her family. . . . And a great deal more. . . .
Quite excusable, sir. Well, then, sir" (Marmeladov suddenly gave a
sort of start, raised his head and gazed intently at his listener)
"well, on the very next day after all those dreams, that is to say,
exactly five days ago, in the evening, by a cunning trick, like a
thief in the night, I stole from Katerina Ivanovna the key of her
box, took out what was left of my earnings, how much it was I have
forgotten, and now look at me, all of you! It's the fifth day since
I left home, and they are looking for me there and it's the end of
my employment, and my uniform is lying in a tavern on the Egyptian
bridge. I exchanged it for the garments I have on . . . and it's
the end of everything!"
Marmeladov struck his forehead with his fist, clenched his
teeth, closed his eyes and leaned heavily with his elbow on the
table. But a minute later his face suddenly changed and with a
certain assumed slyness and affectation of bravado, he glanced at
Raskolnikov, laughed and said:
"This morning I went to see Sonia, I went to ask her for a
pick-me-up! He-he-he!"
"You don't say she gave it to you?" cried one of the
new-comers; he shouted the words and went off into a guffaw.
"This very quart was bought with her money," Marmeladov
declared, addressing himself exclusively to Raskolnikov. "Thirty
copecks she gave me with her own hands, her last, all she had, as I
saw. . . . She said nothing, she only looked at me without a word.
. . . Not on earth, but up yonder . . . they grieve over men, they
weep, but they don't blame them, they don't blame them! But it
hurts more, it hurts more when they don't blame! Thirty copecks
yes! And maybe she needs them now, eh? What do you think, my dear
sir? For now she's got to keep up her appearance. It costs money,
that smartness, that special smartness, you know? Do you
understand? And there's pomatum, too, you see, she must have
things; petticoats, starched ones, shoes, too, real jaunty ones to
show off her foot when she has to step over a puddle. Do you
understand, sir, do you understand what all that smartness means?
And here I, her own father, here I took thirty copecks of that
money for a drink! And I am drinking it! And I have already drunk
it! Come, who will have pity on a man like me, eh? Are you sorry
for me, sir, or not? Tell me, sir, are you sorry or not? He-he-he!"
He would have filled his glass, but there was no drink
left. The pot was empty.
"What are you to be pitied for?" shouted the tavern-keeper
who was again near them.
Shouts of laughter and even oaths followed. The laughter
and the oaths came from those who were listening and also from
those who had heard nothing but were simply looking at the figure
of the discharged government clerk.
"To be pitied! Why am I to be pitied?" Marmeladov suddenly
declaimed, standing up with his arm outstretched, as though he had
been only waiting for that question.
"Why am I to be pitied, you say? Yes! there's nothing to
pity me for! I ought to be crucified, crucified on a cross, not
pitied! Crucify me, oh judge, crucify me but pity me! And then I
will go of myself to be crucified, for it's not merry-making I seek
but tears and tribulation! . . . Do you suppose, you that sell,
that this pint of yours has been sweet to me? It was tribulation I
sought at the bottom of it, tears and tribulation, and have found
it, and I have tasted it; but He will pity us Who has had pity on
all men, Who has understood all men and all things, He is the One,
He too is the judge. He will come in that day and He will ask:
'Where is the daughter who gave herself for her cross, consumptive
step-mother and for the little children of another? Where is the
daughter who had pity upon the filthy drunkard, her earthly father,
undismayed by his beastliness?' And He will say, 'Come to me! I
have already forgiven thee once. . . . I have forgiven thee once. .
. . Thy sins which are many are forgiven thee for thou hast loved
much. . . .' And he will forgive my Sonia, He will forgive, I know
it . . . I felt it in my heart when I was with her just now! And He
will judge and will forgive all, the good and the evil, the wise
and the meek. . . . And when He has done with all of them, then He
will summon us. 'You too come forth,' He will say, 'Come forth ye
drunkards, come forth, ye weak ones, come forth, ye children of
shame!' And we shall all come forth, without shame and shall stand
before him. And He will say unto us, 'Ye are swine, made in the
Image of the Beast and with his mark; but come ye also!' And the
wise ones and those of understanding will say, 'Oh Lord, why dost
Thou receive these men?' And He will say, 'This is why I receive
them, oh ye wise, this is why I receive them, oh ye of
understanding, that not one of them believed himself to be worthy
of this.' And He will hold out His hands to us and we shall fall
down before him . . . and we shall weep . . . and we shall
understand all things! Then we shall understand all! . . . and all
will understand, Katerina Ivanovna even . . . she will understand.
. . . Lord, Thy kingdom come!" And he sank down on the bench
exhausted, and helpless, looking at no one, apparently oblivious of
his surroundings and plunged in deep thought. His words had created
a certain impression; there was a moment of silence; but soon
laughter and oaths were heard again.
"That's his notion!"
"Talked himself silly!"
"A fine clerk he is!"
And so on, and so on.
"Let us go, sir," said Marmeladov all at once, raising his
head and addressing Raskolnikov-"come along with me . . . Kozel's
house, looking into the yard. I'm going to Katerina Ivanovna-time I
did."
Raskolnikov had for some time been wanting to go and he had
meant to help him. Marmeladov was much unsteadier on his legs than
in his speech and leaned heavily on the young man. They had two or
three hundred paces to go. The drunken man was more and more
overcome by dismay and confusion as they drew nearer the house.
"It's not Katerina Ivanovna I am afraid of now," he
muttered in agitation-"and that she will begin pulling my hair.
What does my hair matter! Bother my hair! That's what I say! Indeed
it will be better if she does begin pulling it, that's not what I
am afraid of . . . it's her eyes I am afraid of . . . yes, her eyes
. . . the red on her cheeks, too, frightens me . . . and her
breathing too. . . . Have you noticed how people in that disease
breathe . . . when they are excited? I am frightened of the
children's crying, too. . . . For if Sonia has not taken them food
. . . I don't know what's happened! I don't know! But blows I am
not afraid of. . . . Know, sir, that such blows are not a pain to
me, but even an enjoyment. In fact I can't get on without it. . . .
It's better so. Let her strike me, it relieves her heart . . . it's
better so . . . There is the house. The house of Kozel, the
cabinet-maker . . . a German, well-to-do. Lead the way!"
They went in from the yard and up to the fourth storey. The
staircase got darker and darker as they went up. It was nearly
eleven o'clock and although in summer in Petersburg there is no
real night, yet it was quite dark at the top of the stairs.
A grimy little door at the very top of the stairs stood
ajar. A very poor-looking room about ten paces long was lighted up
by a candle-end; the whole of it was visible from the entrance. It
was all in disorder, littered up with rags of all sorts, especially
children's garments. Across the furthest corner was stretched a
ragged sheet. Behind it probably was the bed. There was nothing in
the room except two chairs and a sofa covered with American
leather, full of holes, before which stood an old deal
kitchen-table, unpainted and uncovered. At the edge of the table
stood a smoldering tallow-candle in an iron candlestick. It
appeared that the family had a room to themselves, not part of a
room, but their room was practically a passage. The door leading to
the other rooms, or rather cupboards, into which Amalia
Lippevechsel's flat was divided stood half open, and there was
shouting, uproar and laughter within. People seemed to be playing
cards and drinking tea there. Words of the most unceremonious kind
flew out from time to time.
Raskolnikov recognised Katerina Ivanovna at once. She was a
rather tall, slim and graceful woman, terribly emaciated, with
magnificent dark brown hair and with a hectic flush in her cheeks.
She was pacing up and down in her little room, pressing her hands
against her chest; her lips were parched and her breathing came in
nervous broken gasps. Her eyes glittered as in fever and looked
about with a harsh immovable stare. And that consumptive and
excited face with the last flickering light of the candle-end
playing upon it made a sickening impression. She seemed to
Raskolnikov about thirty years old and was certainly a strange wife
for Marmeladov. . . . She had not heard them and did not notice
them coming in. She seemed to be lost in thought, hearing and
seeing nothing. The room was close, but she had not opened the
window; a stench rose from the staircase, but the door on to the
stairs was not closed. From the inner rooms clouds of tobacco smoke
floated in, she kept coughing, but did not close the door. The
youngest child, a girl of six, was asleep, sitting curled up on the
floor with her head on the sofa. A boy a year older stood crying
and shaking in the corner, probably he had just had a beating.
Beside him stood a girl of nine years old, tall and thin, wearing a
thin and ragged chemise with an ancient cashmere pelisse flung over
her bare shoulders, long outgrown and barely reaching her knees.
Her arm, as thin as a stick, was round her brother's neck. She was
trying to comfort him, whispering something to him, and doing all
she could to keep him from whimpering again. At the same time her
large dark eyes, which looked larger still from the thinness of her
frightened face, were watching her mother with alarm. Marmeladov
did not enter the door, but dropped on his knees in the very
doorway, pushing Raskolnikov in front of him. The woman seeing a
stranger stopped indifferently facing him, coming to herself for a
moment and apparently wondering what he had come for. But evidently
she decided that he was going into the next room, as he had to pass
through hers to get there. Taking no further notice of him, she
walked towards the outer door to close it and uttered a sudden
scream on seeing her husband on his knees in the doorway.
"Ah!" she cried out in a frenzy, "he has come back! The
criminal! the monster! . . . And where is the money? What's in your
pocket, show me! And your clothes are all different! Where are your
clothes? Where is the money! Speak!"
And she fell to searching him. Marmeladov submissively and
obediently held up both arms to facilitate the search. Not a
farthing was there.
"Where is the money?" she cried-"Mercy on us, can he have
drunk it all? There were twelve silver roubles left in the chest!"
and in a fury she seized him by the hair and dragged him into the
room. Marmeladov seconded her efforts by meekly crawling along on
his knees.
"And this is a consolation to me! This does not hurt me,
but is a positive con-so-la-tion, ho-nou-red sir," he called out,
shaken to and fro by his hair and even once striking the ground
with his forehead. The child asleep on the floor woke up, and began
to cry. The boy in the corner losing all control began trembling
and screaming and rushed to his sister in violent terror, almost in
a fit. The eldest girl was shaking like a leaf.
"He's drunk it! he's drunk it all," the poor woman screamed
in despair-"and his clothes are gone! And they are hungry,
hungry!"-and wringing her hands she pointed to the children. "Oh,
accursed life! And you, are you not ashamed?"-she pounced all at
once upon Raskolnikov-"from the tavern! Have you been drinking with
him? You have been drinking with him, too! Go away!"
The young man was hastening away without uttering a word.
The inner door was thrown wide open and inquisitive faces were
peering in at it. Coarse laughing faces with pipes and cigarettes
and heads wearing caps thrust themselves in at the doorway. Further
in could be seen figures in dressing gowns flung open, in costumes
of unseemly scantiness, some of them with cards in their hands.
They were particularly diverted, when Marmeladov, dragged about by
his hair, shouted that it was a consolation to him. They even began
to come into the room; at last a sinister shrill outcry was heard:
this came from Amalia Lippevechsel herself pushing her way amongst
them and trying to restore order after her own fashion and for the
hundredth time to frighten the poor woman by ordering her with
coarse abuse to clear out of the room next day. As he went out,
Raskolnikov had time to put his hand into his pocket, to snatch up
the coppers he had received in exchange for his rouble in the
tavern and to lay them unnoticed on the window. Afterwards on the
stairs, he changed his mind and would have gone back.
"What a stupid thing I've done," he thought to himself,
"they have Sonia and I want it myself." But reflecting that it
would be impossible to take it back now and that in any case he
would not have taken it, he dismissed it with a wave of his hand
and went back to his lodging. "Sonia wants pomatum too," he said as
he walked along the street, and he laughed malignantly-"such
smartness costs money. . . . Hm! And maybe Sonia herself will be
bankrupt to-day, for there is always a risk, hunting big game . . .
digging for gold . . . then they would all be without a crust
to-morrow except for my money. Hurrah for Sonia! What a mine
they've dug there! And they're making the most of it! Yes, they are
making the most of it! They've wept over it and grown used to it.
Man grows used to everything, the scoundrel!"
He sank into thought.
"And what if I am wrong," he cried suddenly after a
moment's thought. "What if man is not really a scoundrel, man in
general, I mean, the whole race of mankind-then all the rest is
prejudice, simply artificial terrors and there are no barriers and
it's all as it should be."